Updated List of Things to Do Over the Next Ten Weeks

1. Open checking account.
2. Pay parking tickets ($65).
3. Buy Christmas presents (sister, Jaclyn, dad).
4. Garage show (who? when?)
5. New Years (who? where?)
6. Start school.
7. Find another job.
8. Sustain life (cigarettes, chai, gas) until I get a new job.
9. Read/learn more.
10. Work hard in school.
11. Play music more than video games

P.S. I made a TBID blog. Why? More like why not. But if you must know, I made it so you can learn more about who we are and what we're about and everything we do.
These Birds is Blogging

ugh 2.0

I went to a poetry open mic tonight with Cody, Eric, and Jaclyn in Portsmouth. I'm always so impressed with Cody. He showed me some of his songs after and it's overwhelming how talented he is.

On the way home I was explaining to Jaclyn that I'm pretty discouraged about writing/playing music again. I've been having such a hard time trying to write new songs and the songs I've written, I'm beginning to hate. It felt good talking to Cody and Eric about it because they are having similar feelings but I feel disgusted when I think about what I've done. I don't want to be like those people reading the same thing over and over by so many other people before them. Same rhythm, same structure. Over and over. Claiming to be original, just reciting nothing. Tired and used. I'm so worried about falling into that. But it's hard not to. Complacency and arrogance.

"We are living in hell."

This is how the last day of 2009 ended.

I was so naive to think it was a good omen.

I spent about an hour and a half listening to my friends arguing and sobbing upstairs while I was lying on the floor in a sleeping bag. And I've been thinking about the few different groups of friends that I used to have but have now dissolved (or I just don't see anymore) and they're all very similar and contain characteristics that I don't want to be a part of.

I guess I give up after a while and settle for whatever.

I won't get too mad at friends for spending months not wanting to have anything to do with whoever isn't directly involved in their problems. Or if they just don't make an effort at all. But I'm not going to waste time waiting for someone to be there.

And I'm not worried about those people because they are in full control of their "social obligations".

And I'm having doubts about everything right now.

And I'm not going to go on and on about how I don't get to see the people I really really like and how it's their fault (although for the most part it's mine).

And I feel like I've just hit a wall and I'm hoping that I can get around it.

It's snowing for the third day in a row.