"We are living in hell."

This is how the last day of 2009 ended.

I was so naive to think it was a good omen.

I spent about an hour and a half listening to my friends arguing and sobbing upstairs while I was lying on the floor in a sleeping bag. And I've been thinking about the few different groups of friends that I used to have but have now dissolved (or I just don't see anymore) and they're all very similar and contain characteristics that I don't want to be a part of.

I guess I give up after a while and settle for whatever.

I won't get too mad at friends for spending months not wanting to have anything to do with whoever isn't directly involved in their problems. Or if they just don't make an effort at all. But I'm not going to waste time waiting for someone to be there.

And I'm not worried about those people because they are in full control of their "social obligations".

And I'm having doubts about everything right now.

And I'm not going to go on and on about how I don't get to see the people I really really like and how it's their fault (although for the most part it's mine).

And I feel like I've just hit a wall and I'm hoping that I can get around it.

It's snowing for the third day in a row.